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Ranma Kun

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Excuse me, do you work here? [Jun. 21st, 2005|11:24 pm]
Ranma Kun
[Current Mood |aggravatedaggravated]

はい はい、 さしぶりね につき。 ぼくは いそがしいでした。 ごめんえさい。

People are idiots. You wouldn't really know until you've worked customer service. I thought Tim Horton customers were bad, no they were just plain picky. Sales associate is a different story.

Hi, I'm Joel. I'm a sales associate. I serve dumb people. はじめまして。 どおぞ よろしく。 (o^_^o)

Some days aren't bad. I get the intelligent people. Rarely. Some days, I'm willing to hop on the floor, smile and greet every customer like a Walmart door greeter. Hey, how you doing, how's it going, you know. It gets tedious, and sometimes I don't care to remember the customer, so I get the casual "I'm still doing alright." That on my part is my bad. But I don't get paid enough to remember your face. Now, I'm willing to do come up to you smiling and ask how your doing in this certain department. Forgive me if I ask you twice, but don't give me a snappy attitude that you're "STILL" doing fine. Say it with a smile too ^_^ Dickwad. If we were paid a base pay, I'll be more than happy to sit in the back and price check every pair of bikini tops we got. I do get the "I'm fine thank you *smile*". Those aren't bad. it's just that they don't want my help is the problem.

The other customers are my favourite. I get the "Do you have that in size 9? Yeah? Good I'll take it." or "Do you got this? Cool, sold!" They mostly consist of filipino's. Straight and to the point. None of this "What's the difference between this one and that one." bs. Cause frankly, I'm gonna give you bs back.
Did we tell you we're sales associates? We don't give a shit as long as you buy from us.

でわ、 つぎ、 idiots.

I sold my fair shair of shoes. I thought the craziest question or request I'd be face would be "Are these running shoes." In all sense, that's a fair quesiton, if you're not gonna fucking read the sign below it. No no. Today, I stayed in the back price checking shoes. But a pair of customers came in looking at shoes. An asian woman, and a white guy. Great another couple consisting of an asian woman and man. Why God why, how does that work. Previously I was helping this other couple, cute azn girl, obnoxious rude white guy. Thanks for teasing me God. But this couple I didn't mind. She wasn't hot at all. In fact, it was one of those short haired ladies who worked at the Chinese Wok in the food court. Ewww. But since I know they're fast, I thought she'd be quick and to the point. No no. I was wrong. Hella wrong. She asked me for size 6, 6 1/2, and 7 in a pair of shoes. No biggie. I found all three luckily enough, I've been having shitluck finding sizes all day, and I brought it out. First thing was size 7. One shoe in the box, other shoe is the display.

"No no, I won't buy display shoe. I will never buy display shoe." she said in the typical fast Chinese accent. Fair enough, that's reasonably alright. I roll my eyes, and grab another 7. Coming out, she's gone through the other 2.

"No no, these shoes have been tried on by people. I want shoes that have not been tried on by people. Can you look?"

Wtf? Okay.. Shitloads of people come in everyday trying on shoes for shits and giggles. It's like once in a lifetime when there's not been a shoe that has been tried on. I knwo you want a new shoe, but does it make a difference if someone's sweaty cheddar cheeze foot has slid into it once?

I rolled my eyes. "No no, that's how we lace our shoes. We pull out the shoe and lace it that way, let it lose so it's easier for anyone to quickly try it on." heh..Nice one Joel. Score 1 for you.

"Can you take a look please? I will wait because my friend is looking for his shoe too."

Are you fucking kidding me? "Okay, I'll be back in a sec." I run in the back. I ain't looking in every fucking box for a unopened box. Hell no. So I climbed atop the shelves and sat there contemplating like Batman on which cashier of ours has the hottest ass. It probably looked like a scene from Batman.

I figured that the less bitchy one has the nicest one.

After 5 minutes of contemplating, I climb down and tell the lady "Nope, those are the only 6 and 6 1/2's we have"

Her friend had no problem trying one on pair of fucking shoes, walking in them for one sec and said "Yup, feels nice, I'll take em".

Dat's what pretty much sealed the deal, her friend was ready to go. She made a split second decision, and said she'll take the 6. If it doesn't fit her sister, she'll bring it back. I don't care, as long as you don't ask me to check if the're a unopened box in the back.

Two sales. $200 dollars made. 14% made off of that. Score 2 for Joel.

So far, 3 people have asked me if I worked here. 3 people were arguing amongst themselves. One pointed at me and said "Him! Ask him! He works here". I stumble into their way and ask if I can help them with anything. The lady looks at me and asks if I worked here. I look down at my Company shirt/uniform. "Uh..maybe..? *smile*"

I get the glare of doom, like literally the glare I used to get from Mrs.Aloisio in grade 3 when I said maybe to the question "Did you dump my sharpener in the garbage." She snaps "Do you want to help me or not?"

"Uh..n-noo..ok what are you looking for."

*sigh* Another guy asked me the same question. He was pretty old, so he'd have a sense of humor sure. He did. He laughed when he saw my uniform.

A business lady asked me if I worked here. Business..You should know things lady. We're the only oddly dressed people in store. I shouldn't say oddly, but you can separate the employees from customers easily as 1+1=3. She looked like she didn't want any bs today. Neither did I, and seeing from the first bitch, I didn't want her to snap at me with her neck talking to me.

Other things.. How people attempt to hang things up again. Hahaha, good try. But thanks for trying. Asshole. We have to clean up the store afterwards, and instead of us trying to find what pathetic attempt at hanging ur pants up, we're more than happy to hang them up ourselves after you try them on. Seriously..Do you hang ur shit up that way at home?..Horrible.

The good thing about the place is we close at 5:30. So the latest I'll work is 6:30. Leaving my nights open to anything.

It's just the people. I hate people. Working really opens your eyes on how people are idiots.

*sigh* I should sleep. Gotta be energetic to talk to customers tomorrow. おやすみなさい。。

Oh ya, if anyone could guess where I work, besides Brebbers/Jess/Kerol, go ahead. You'll get a free chek mark. hint it's スポーツチェク。
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MOo... [Feb. 13th, 2005|11:18 pm]
Ranma Kun
[Current Music |Inuyasha - Forever Love...]

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Sex with a very large Woman [Jan. 27th, 2005|09:05 pm]
Ranma Kun
Sex with a very large Woman

By Robert Levin

During my twenties and thirties it was my goal to have sex with every physical type of woman on the planet

Id prefer not to hear any stuff about this. I was proceeding from the belief that by sleeping with a representative of every kind of female body, and every category of appearance I would, in effect, come to know all women and that such an accomplishment would be good for my writing.


Of course, even to gather only samples from what, you realise when you get into it, is a vast assortment of sizes, shapes and physiognomies, would have meant putting up numbers comparable to Wilt Chamberlains. And being all of five-foot-six, more skinny than slimand with a nose you would think must obstruct my visionId obviously set my bar too high. But spurred by the promise of the literary rewards that even limited success would yield, I determinedly pursued my objective, and had it not been for a prostate gland the Harvard School of Medicine will surely make a bid for upon my demise, Id probably have been at it much longer.

Middle-aged now and long out of the game, Im forced to concede that my art would have been better served by writing more and researching less. Still, the time spent on my project wasnt entirely wasted. Collateral though it may be, I did reap one unanticipated and very practical benefit. While my collection of memories isnt as comprehensive as Id have wished (variations on the theme of plainness are more than adequately represented but girls who look like Nicole Kidman and Jennifer Connelly are conspicuous by their absence), the mental snapshots I've kept of the women I WAS able to cop have been more than sufficient in their quantity and variety to save me the price of a subscription to 'Jugs.'

And, indeed, I have been left with a story or two to tell.

Not least for the adventure it turned into, a hookup I think of a lot was with a twenty-something woman named Peggie whod come to New York just days beforefor the very first timefrom the Midwest on a month-long vacation.

We met in a bar. I was standing alone, checking out the action, when I heard, right behind me, the sound of a short, sharp fartlike a wooden match striking. Turning to look I confronted a sight only the word 'humongous' could accurately describea female at least a foot taller than I was and approximately the width of the Great Wall of China.

She was smiling flirtatiously at me and, though taken aback by her appearance (not to mention her novel method of gaining my attention) and instinctively recoiling, I quickly recovered when I realised the unique opportunity she was presenting me with. Here was my chance to cross gross obesity from the list of body types I hadnt yet explored.

In a brief conversationduring which it occurred to me that shed be almost attractive if she just lost 300 poundsPeggie told me she was a cashier at a Kalamazoo, Michigan supermarket (a career chosen, she readily admitted, for the substantial food discount it offered); that she had once played a Packard convertible in a high school production of 'Grease,' and that her parents had tragically expired in a suicide pact just weeks after her birth.

Then she invited me to her hotel room.

As we were leaving, I saw the bartender, who could not, of course, have been aware of my agenda, shaking his head in disbelief.
Thats it, he nudged the customer slouched in front of him. Right therethat dude. Thats the definition of drunk.

At her hotel, to which we necessarily took separate cabs, the first thing Peggie did was crack open, and devour, the complete contents of a pack of chocolate cookies. Then, from a utility-kitchen refrigerator, she retrieved and consumed (in exactly what order I dont recall) a container of chicken wings, several packets of potato chips and an economy-size tub of cheese spread.

Finally she put a Barry Manilow tape into her boom box.

Now its not that I mind Barry Manilow all that much, but a more appropriate musical accompaniment to the nights activities would have been the theme from 'Raiders of the Lost Ark.' The thing wasand my insistence that we leave no more than the bathroom light on was definitely a contributing factorI could not for the life of me find Peggies love tunnel. Id heard that this was a common occurrence with very fat women, and especially with very fat women under poor lighting conditions, but it still took a lot longer than I would have expected. What was compounding the problem? Simply put, Peggies body could have served as a Special Forces training ground for the field of hazards and challenges it presented. Im speaking of the twisting climbs and sudden valleys, the crags, the craters and the amazing plenitude of gullies, ravines and bogs that I was, on my hands and knees, obliged to negotiate and traverse in my search for the motherlode. A dismaying project to begin with, my progress was further impeded by an extraordinary number of ambiguous fissures and crevices that, not quickly identifiable, required time-consuming investigation and study. You wouldnt believe how many deceptive nooks and seductive crannies I came across. In fact, at one point, when I felt for sure that Id located and entered the secret cave, I discovered, to my chagrin, that Id inserted myself into what was only a fold of fiercely perspiring epidermis. Whats more, I realized, when I looked up, that I was seriously lost in some apparently outlying district of Peggies anatomy.

Youre thinking that I had only myself to blame, that not to stop and ask for directions is typical of a man. Well, I swear, I was just about to when I heard what sounded like the swift currents of a babbling brook in the distance. Groping my way toward the sound it increased in volume until it was a deafening roar and I knew I was directly above its source. Reasonably confident that Id located Peggies stomach, I paused to collect myself and survey my surroundings. In the absence of a compass I was looking for some sort of marker with which to establish my coordinates. When I noticed that the horizon ahead of me was blocked by an especially pronounced elevation in the terrain, I reasoned that I was likely facing north. With a cautious optimism I began, then, to crawl slowly backwards. You can imagine the rush I got when before too long my toes were caressed by a soft and lush foliage, and then bathed in the gentle bubbling of a warm spring.

I was at last at the pleasure grove.

Feeling like a world-beater, I was glowing with a sense of accomplishment and I have to confess that I indulged myself in a moment of pride. Relying on my instincts and wit, persevering in the face of exceptional difficulties, I had achieved an elusive goal lesser men would certainly have given up on. My triumph was short-lived however. After entering the promised land my mettle was tested again and again. Twice I was jettisoned (and risked becoming a ceiling fixture) by the astonishing power of Peggies pelvic motion. It was really disappointing. Each time I was forced to go back to square one and I had to reach deep inside myself for the perseverance I wasnt at all sure I possessed. But I hung in there and on my third expedition, with my eyes now accustomed to the dark, I was recognizing landmarks and proceeding with dispatch. Having reached the treasure chest within minutes, I managed to more or less to stay put this time, and with the tenacity of Queequeeq clinging to the back of a great whale in a high sea, those final seconds were every bit as exhilarating as the Splash Mountain ride at Disney World.

In the morning, Peggie, cheerily humming to herself (doubtless never before the object of such committed attention), seemed unaware of my odyssey. After eating a cake, and washing it down with a quart of chocolate milk, she asked me if she could take a Polaroid of the two of us naked in bed. (Should you ever come across this picture, I am in it. Thats the top of my head, not a puppy, just behind her left ankle.) Then she announced that she was cutting her trip short and returning home. There was no reason, she said, to remain in New York now, because no big-city experience that she might imagine could possibly surpass her night with me.

Having completed my mission and worried shed suggest that we get together again, I was enormously relieved by her decision and gave it my enthusiastic support.

But as I departed, her expression suggested she was slightly ambivalent about changing her plans; that she was thinking of something she might later regret missing. Not wishing to prolong the moment I chose not to ask any questions, so Ill never know just what was on her mind. Yes, it could have been the Transit Museum or the Edgar Allan Poe Cottage. But I suspect that the most likely explanation for her puzzled look was forgoing the chance to discover a new food group.
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(no subject) [Dec. 24th, 2004|11:18 pm]
Ranma Kun
Okay..So I'm on a laptop..But it's just not mine -_-;; No I didn't get one for xmas. Ghey.. But whatever. Here goes to my birthday. I can wait 2 months..Right? Damnit, but it'll be in the midst of midterms.. GRAH. Whatever. I want My Sassy Girl now.
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NnOOOOoOoO [Dec. 24th, 2004|01:57 pm]
Ranma Kun
PUBLIC MUSUME IS DOWN *Cries* MAng..I wasn't THAT sad about suprnova, but now Public Musume?? DAMNIT!..At least I got empornium.. kekeke
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Mattaku mou [Dec. 24th, 2004|01:41 pm]
Ranma Kun
Mang, I dunno if I got a laptop now lmao. The package is really light, that I can throw it in the air -_-;; bleh..And my dad asked me today "So you still looking into buying a laptop" either hinting that I got one, or asking if I still want one =P So I dunno.

And I dunno if I'll be in etown for New Years. My parents want me here for New Years, but I don't. I only brought clothes to last 5 days, and I dunno if I can play PS2 for 5 days straight...Even though I got 4 games unfinished. I want to open presents so badly -_-;; I had to resist from peeking inside my "two" presents. Yah, they left all the presents in my room instead of under the tree, so I got to count how much I got. TWO! ^_^ Record..yes. I don't mind really, I like giving em...just not buying em. So much shit I wanna buy. I know what one present is.. Metal Gear Solid 3. But that's cause my brother told me he got it for me =P The other..I dunno.. Could be clothes O_o;; But I don't want clothes. I want my laptop damnit!

What else. Oh ya, today I went to Scotia Bank to setup my account. Took....oh 2 fuking hours. Bleh.. They totally misunderstood my dad and setup a joint account with one account on mine. I wanted two accounts. SO ya..Who did it? Chelsea C's mom did it. Yep. And she fuked up royally. But surprisingly, she was really nice to me. lol. Unlike last time, but she was really nice. My nose was plugged, stuffy and needed a good blowin' at that time..I kept swallowing my own snot..ewwWwww.. But I don't know how to huck a loogey. SOMEONE TEACH ME THIS DISGUSTING HABIT!

MOU! I want mini navi right now! Anyways, Jeremy's being a brat and climbing on my leg. BAH! And now he's touching the board agzg egrgz . JA!
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Merry Xmas [Dec. 23rd, 2004|11:12 pm]
Ranma Kun
Well let's see. Final Exams over. I officially finished the first semester of my year with a fizzle..=P Mang..that 2 weeks was hell. Plus the apartment got hella messy, and we..well I found some nasty stuff in the fridge. Let's see. As I skipped down to the front of the gym with my completed comp sci exam in hand, I gracefully handed my prof my exam at the table, followed by a hi-five and the finger, my break began. After that exam, I went down to china town to commence xmas shopping. I got kerol Police story 4, as well as rewarding myself with the same copy and a copy of Windstruck. I stood there for at least half an hour debating if I should buy "My Sassy Girl" for myself as well, but I decided I should spend money on others.. fuckers.. It better be there when I get back. I found at least 4 more dvd stores that I shall be a regular of. One of em carried Kerol's Shinhwa cd, which I bought without thinking twice. SO..I was looking forward to cleaning up the house while the other two studied. And that I did. I cleaned and cleaned, while the other two studied and studied..suckers.. Eto, Xmas shopping sucks. I find the best things for me but nOoO..hafta spend it on others. I actually got sick walking in the -30 degree weather..oi...not cool.

Oh oh, Mike came over, and we went to Kerol's bday at Escape. My lil sis is grown up..*sniff*. She was so gone.. Do you even remember dancing with three guys you don't know Kerol? kekeke.. yuh, didn't get drunk that night. Didn't have the mula or the willpower. Saturday, Mike and I went shopping around Etown, and then Krista picked us up for thier lil xmas get together. Andrew cooked us supper which was really good. I was surprised they bought us presents. I wasn't expecting any. But I got presents.. Yes.. Porn would be nice, but I got a rubber vagina and cock grease.. Yay lol. The pocket vagina was put into good use. Meaning, everybody shoved their fingers into it =P. It was made of the same kind of material as those sticky hand things you get int he vending machine. So being the curious monkey I am, I watered it down, and hucked it against Heather's wall. It bounced back and slapped me in the leg. Which was really hilarious. Heather and I had a good laugh on that. What else. Played Cranium, and their new drinking game. Which was basically yes or no questions. Some good..some ehhh..

Mang.. I wanna watch "My Sassy Girl" again. I'm going to buy that dvd as soon as I come back to etown. I watched Windstruck twice already. mang..I should stop watching those things alone. *sniff sniff*

There's a big flat box underneath the tree with my name on it.. I think I got my laptop.. Here's hoping to it. We'll find out tomorrow ^_^;;

Hopefully I have the motivation and energy to work on the new layout this week. Or else that'd suck. I also go 5 games to finish -_-;; I haven't even opened Inu Yasha. Mattaku..
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OoOo [Dec. 16th, 2004|05:19 pm]
Ranma Kun
Mang..I bought an awesome present for Kerol ^-^!! Can't wait til she opens it
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Battle Royale 2004 [Dec. 12th, 2004|10:47 pm]
Ranma Kun
[Current Music |shinhwa ft kang ta - doll]

List of Classmates

Girl# 12:Jennifer R: Alive
Girl#16: Kerol A: Alive
Girl#2: Jessica A: Alive...but crazy
Girl# 5: Amanda P: Alive
Boy#11: Dustin T: Alive...barely
Boy#3: Steven B: Missing in Action
Boy#6: Robert W: Still breathing (Funkadelic)
Girl#18: Heather C: Whereabouts unknown
Girl# 10: Melaney O: Escaped island and eloped. Currently Missing in Action
Boy# 9: Lucas H: Last seen getting hit with a tennis ball.
Boy# 19: Rikkie M: Alive
Girl#7: Erin B: Alive...or is she..? O_o;;
Girl#8: Megan B: Alive?
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Oi.. [Dec. 6th, 2004|11:20 pm]
Ranma Kun
[Current Music |qDq - 01]

Kay, either my engrish prof is some hard ass bitch, more hard than Mr.McNeil, or she just some dumbass hippie. Honestly! How can you be confused with my intro?? I read it over and over and it makes fukn sense biatch! Oh! and learn another thing. LEARN TO WRITE YA MORON.. God.. I take the time to write nicely for you, take some time to write your scribbles nicely on my essay so I know wtf you're dissing about it.
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